Respite Care for Someone with Dementia: A Family Guide

Last reviewed November 2026. About 8 minutes to read.

If you care for someone living with dementia, you will know it rarely switches off. The broken nights, the same question for the tenth time, the quiet worry about whether they are safe when you pop out. In more than 15 years working in adult social care, the carers I have seen cope best were not the ones who never needed help. They were the ones who planned regular breaks before they reached breaking point.

Respite care gives you that break while the person you care for is looked after by someone else, at home, at a day centre or during a short stay away. This guide explains the options that tend to work well for people with dementia, how to get help from your council, what it might cost, and how to help your loved one feel settled.

What this guide covers:

• Why breaks matter so much with dementia
• Types of respite care that work well for dementia
• Getting help from your council
• What does dementia respite cost?
• Talking to your loved one about a break
• Helping them settle in
• Looking after yourself while they are away
• Where to get dementia advice
• Find dementia friendly respite near you

Why breaks matter so much with dementia

Alzheimer's Society estimates that around 982,000 people are living with dementia in the UK, and expects that to rise to 1.4 million by 2040. A great many of them are supported at home by a husband, wife, son, daughter or friend.

Alzheimer's Society describes respite as a way to feel less overwhelmed, avoid burnout, and keep both your relationship with the person and your own social life healthy. It is good for the person with dementia too: new company and activities can bring stimulation and ease loneliness. Taking a break is not giving up. For many families it is what makes it possible to keep caring at home for longer.

Types of respite care that work well for dementia

Many families use a mix, and what works will change as dementia progresses. If you are new to the idea, What is Respite Care? covers the basics.

Care at home. A care worker or sitting service comes to the house so your loved one stays in familiar surroundings. This can be a few hours a week, or overnight care so that you can finally get a full night's sleep.

Day centres. A day of company, activities and a meal, often with transport. It can take a little while for someone with dementia to get used to attending, so give it a few visits before deciding.

A short stay in a care home. Sometimes called short break care or residential respite. It means you can go away knowing they are safe, and it can also be a gentle way to try a care home before any bigger decision is needed.

A break together. Some organisations offer supported holidays for people with dementia and their carers, so you both get a change of scene with extra help on hand.

Friends and family. A relative staying over or taking your loved one out for the day still counts as respite, and it is often a good first step.

Getting help from your council

Your local council's adult social care team is usually the place to start, and there are two assessments to ask for.

A care needs assessment for the person with dementia. Alzheimer's Society notes that the council cannot refuse to carry one out, even if the person is likely to pay for their own care.

A carer's assessment for you. It is free for anyone aged 18 or over who cares for someone, and it looks at your own needs and what would help. You can have it at the same time as your loved one's assessment, or separately if you would rather talk freely.

The NHS explains that councils will only pay for respite once these assessments show it is needed, so ask for both. Respite can even be arranged following your carer's assessment alone. Ask too what is available locally, such as day centres, respite beds that can be booked ahead, and night care. Our guide How a Carer's Assessment Can Help You Get Respite Care explains what to expect.

What does dementia respite cost?

Costs vary a lot by area and type of care, and some council arranged respite is free. Where there is a charge in England, here is what usually happens:

It is your loved one's money that is assessed, not yours. Alzheimer's Society is clear that carers must not be charged for respite.

The family home is not counted for a short respite stay, because the person will be returning to it.

Savings thresholds apply. People with savings over £23,250 are generally expected to pay the full cost, and those with savings between £14,250 and £23,250 make a contribution.

Paying privately gives you free choice. If you are funding the break yourself, you can choose any provider that suits you. Agree the rate in advance.

Direct payments give more control. If the council is funding care, a direct payment can be used to employ a personal assistant, pay for a supported holiday, or pay for respite in a care home for up to four weeks in any 12 month period.

Watch benefits during longer stays. Carer's Allowance can continue for up to 12 weeks of care home respite, but only while your loved one still receives a qualifying benefit such as Attendance Allowance, which usually stops after 28 days in a care home unless they are paying for the stay themselves. Charities and benevolent funds sometimes help with costs, and Turn2Us can help you search for grants. For the full picture, see our guide to funding respite care.

Talking to your loved one about a break

This is often the hardest part. Alzheimer's Society suggests a few approaches, and I have seen them work time and again:

Explain how a break will help you both, and agree together how long it will be.

Be honest that you need support, without listing everything you do for them.

Offer choices so they feel in control, and reassure them it can stop if it is not working.

If they resist, ask what is worrying them, and shape the break around what matters to them, such as their routine.

Pick a good moment, such as the morning if they are more unsettled later in the day.

If your loved one no longer has the mental capacity to make this decision, a decision can be made in their best interests.

Helping them settle in

A little preparation makes a real difference to how the first break goes.

1. Share their story. Tell the provider their preferred name, past jobs, hobbies, faith, important people and topics to avoid. Common interests are a lovely way for staff to break the ice.

2. Protect their routine. Start the break on a day with nothing else going on, at the time of day that suits them best. If mornings follow a set pattern, an afternoon start may be calmer.

3. Bring a bit of home. Familiar photos, a favourite cushion or cardigan, and small comforts help. For a stay away, try to set the room up like theirs: the same side for the bedside table, curtains open or closed as they like, the lamp just so.

4. Meet first and keep it regular. Visit the provider together beforehand, then aim for a regular pattern of breaks so you both adjust.

Looking after yourself while they are away

Feeling nervous or guilty is completely normal, and it should not stop you using respite if it will help. Decide beforehand how often you will phone or visit, so you can actually switch off in between. Be realistic about what one break will achieve. And if the first try does not go to plan, please do not give up: a different type of respite or a different provider may suit you both much better.

Use the time for you: sleep, see friends, or simply enjoy a cup of tea that stays hot. Alzheimer's Society's online Dementia Support Forum is a good place to talk to other carers.

Where to get dementia advice

Alzheimer's Society Dementia Support Line: 0333 150 3456, seven days a week.

Dementia UK Admiral Nurse Dementia Helpline: free on 0800 888 6678, seven days a week, staffed by specialist dementia nurses.

Your local carers' centre: your council or Carers UK can tell you where your nearest one is.

Find dementia friendly respite near you

When you are ready to look, you can search respite care providers in your area on respite-care.co.uk, from home care and sitting services to short stays in care homes. Sending an enquiry is free, and providers will come back to you directly.

When you speak to providers, ask about their dementia training, whether your loved one will see the same faces each time, and how they handle a first visit. You do not have to do this on your own, and a well planned break can be good for both of you.

You can also browse dementia care providers or see who offers respite near you in Portsmouth and Southampton.

Written by Liam, 15 years in UK adult social care.